Advice Girl

"I had a (male) friend over today, and we were watching movies and drinking together. Just innocent fun. I ended up getting more tipsy than I usually do, and we ended up starting to have sex. I sobered up pretty quickly and made him stop before we actually did, and sent him home.

Here's the thing: I have a boyfriend who I love dearly. We're talking about moving in together when our leases expire, and we've discussed marriage. He's the one I really want, and I feel sick having cheated on him. I know I could never do it ever again.

I hate what I did. So my question is, what do I do? Do I tell him? Will that hurt him more than if he doesn't know? Should it be on a "don't ask, don't tell" basis? Keep in mind that my boyfriend is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life, and that this friend was equally as intoxicated as myself.

Thank you! I'm tearing myself to pieces because of this."

19, f


To tell him the truth or not may be a hard, yet inevitable choice to make. This is your life and it is up to you what kind of relationship you're going to have with your boyfriend. Telling him the truth may lead to losing him or at least to lots of angst and tears. But having such a secret to keep may also be pretty tough for you.

Besides, if you'll decide to keep it a secret, you will have to make sure that your boyfriend won't find it out from someone else. If the friend you almost slept with told someone about your making out, and that someone did the same, and then it repeated, you may find yourself in a very unpleasant Ross & Rachel kind of situation.

So, choose a direction in which you will go with this, and try to do everything you can to keep your and your boyfriend's happiness. Work on your relationship independently from the choice you make. Remember, true love and happiness are not common things, so probably it's something both you and your boyfriend wouldn't want to lose.