Advice Girl

"I'm starting to feel very self-conscious around people now. I'm starting to think that everyone is thinking I'm ugly, and I get really nervous around people now. Before I wasn't so self conscious and I don't know why I'm like this. Last year I just changed and I don't know how. Is this just a phase?"


Okay, I don't know if it's just a phase, identity crisis, or a part of your personal growth, but here is a couple of important things you need to remember if you feel that way.

First of all, you are NOT ugly! I don't care how you look, but don't ever think that way about yourself, or you will attract more of these thoughts and feelings, which can be quite destructive. The second important thing is that everyone is too concerned about themselves to notice others' flaws, and, as a self-conscious person, you probably know it very well. Right now it may seem to you that the looks are very important, but it is not completely true.

Take for example some not very attractive, but pretty famous actor, who has a lot of different roles s/he plays very well. He or she may have a role of a loser, someone really boring or mean, and you really hate seeing that actor on the screen.

But then you see that person playing a totally different role in a great TV show that you like, where he or she is very witty, funny, strong, and charismatic. Now, when you see that person, you notice that you associate totally different, positive feelings and emotions with him/her, because the character you fell in love with made you see the actor in a totally different light.

It's pretty much the same in the real life. If you feel not pretty, insecure and scared in communication with people, they're going to sense it, because your behavior, your walk, the expression on your face, and the look in your eyes just wouldn't let you hide your insecurity.

But (!!!) the good thing is that you can change the role that you play in front of others. In any way, you are not sharing with others everything you have in you. There are some parts you want to hide or show only to the ones you trust the most. But there are also the parts of your nature that you want to discover, explore and show to everyone.

Maybe it's your wisdom, or courage, or something else that makes you special in your own eyes, but, in any case, you should learn to be proud of who you are. Allow your looks support your personality, but don't let them become more important than who you really are. Learn to feel self-confident and strong ,whether you're alone or with someone. Choose what you want to be and be it.