Advice Girl

"My best friend is very selfish and always takes advantage of me and I don't like it, and i have like no other friends anymore because i was always trying to please her (shes kinda high maintenance) and shes hard to talk to about this stuff because shell get all mad and defensive and wind up manipulating me to make me think that I'm the bad person, but really everyone tells me how shes bad and now she wants me to do drugs and get tattoos and other stuff that i don't think i wanna do... but i have no other friends..so what do i do."

"Okay, well I really like this guy. Lets call him "Fred". Hah, anyways. He's always flirting with me, but when I asked him out today, he said no. I thought I actually had a chance, because we've gone out before in October. Please help ."


Well, "no" means "no". If he doesn't want to go out with you than maybe you should think of giving your attention to other boys. Try to figure out what it is that attracts you to him, and why do you think he is right for you. Maybe if he doesn't like you in "that" way, you can find the qualities you are most attracted to in someone who will feel "that" way about you after all?

"I am 25 years old and i want to know if my husband raped my sister or someone else."


I'm sorry, but I cannot give you advice if I have no idea what this is about. Why do you suspect your husband of doing such a thing? Did he ever rape anyone before? What does your sister say about all this? Unfortunately I can't give you any real help if I don't know what's going on or why you believe your husband raped someone.

About your sister... If a woman claims she has been raped, there are ways to prove it, only you have to act fast. If the incident took place and the woman contacted the authorities or went to seek medical assistance after it happened, it is possible to prove that the crime has occurred and identify the person responsible.

Here's what I found on that topic:

"It is very important that rape victims seek emergency medical attention as soon as possible after their rape occurs. Rape victims should not wash or douche or in any way clean themselves after a rape has occurred and before they have had medical attention. This is because the rape victim's body is a crime scene which is likely to contain samples of the rapist's body fluids. In many cases, doctors can recover samples of these fluids which can later be used against the rapist in a court of law."

Maybe this information helped you a little, and if not, you can also try to get some counseling on the "outside", or the real world, so to speak.

"Three of my friends and I are starting a band (ska/punk, if it matters), and we've got some huge plans for this. It's a common dream. Music brought us all together and all that stuff. Well, the only problems is that all of these friends are boys who are 19 or older and my mom either doesn't like them or hasn't met them.

They're good guys and I know I'm completely safe around them, but I know that my mom wouldn't approve of them because they're punks. It's gotten to the point where I had to lie to be able to hang out with them, telling mom that I had different plans. How can we make this band work if my mom decides she doesn't want me hanging out with the guys? Or how to I make it so she can meet them and approve without them having to change their tastes? Please help!

Thanks, -JJ Girl"

16/f.


Try to explain to your mother that not everything is as it seems to be at the first sight. Sometimes we narrow our vision by seeing only stereotypes instead of people. If your mom doesn't like guys you're hanging out with, try to let them know each other better in a way that would be comfortable for everyone. Maybe it's better to let your mom meet them one by one, so she wouldn't see them only as a group of punks.

"Have you had a person close to you die and then all of a sudden your emotions are out of whack? I mean, I am not a crier, but since my grandpa passed, I cry for no apparent reason and even doubly so if I have a reason."

GG/f


You could've been storing your negative emotions for a while, and then they just popped.

When my grandma died I almost didn't cry and didn't show much of emotion to anyone because I felt that I had to be strong for my mother. Then when some of her things got thrown out by mistake I got really angry, but still didn't say or do much. Then once, in the middle of the night, I just sat up suddenly and started to cry. It seemed totally out of nowhere, but I knew that it should've been expected because I didn't let my feelings out for too long.

It might be the same with you. You don't just cry for no reason (there's always a reason for that) it's just hidden in your subconscious. Maybe you just need to "let it out" or visit a psychoanalyst to help you reveal what the main problem with your emotional state is and what triggers you to break down.

You need to find a source of your pain, figure out if there's something that feels unfinished or just wrong, and heal rather than seal your emotions.

"I had a (male) friend over today, and we were watching movies and drinking together. Just innocent fun. I ended up getting more tipsy than I usually do, and we ended up starting to have sex. I sobered up pretty quickly and made him stop before we actually did, and sent him home.

Here's the thing: I have a boyfriend who I love dearly. We're talking about moving in together when our leases expire, and we've discussed marriage. He's the one I really want, and I feel sick having cheated on him. I know I could never do it ever again.

I hate what I did. So my question is, what do I do? Do I tell him? Will that hurt him more than if he doesn't know? Should it be on a "don't ask, don't tell" basis? Keep in mind that my boyfriend is the man I want to be with for the rest of my life, and that this friend was equally as intoxicated as myself.

Thank you! I'm tearing myself to pieces because of this."

19, f


To tell him the truth or not may be a hard, yet inevitable choice to make. This is your life and it is up to you what kind of relationship you're going to have with your boyfriend. Telling him the truth may lead to losing him or at least to lots of angst and tears. But having such a secret to keep may also be pretty tough for you.

Besides, if you'll decide to keep it a secret, you will have to make sure that your boyfriend won't find it out from someone else. If the friend you almost slept with told someone about your making out, and that someone did the same, and then it repeated, you may find yourself in a very unpleasant Ross & Rachel kind of situation.

So, choose a direction in which you will go with this, and try to do everything you can to keep your and your boyfriend's happiness. Work on your relationship independently from the choice you make. Remember, true love and happiness are not common things, so probably it's something both you and your boyfriend wouldn't want to lose.

"So i was watching The Wedding Date earlier, very good movie and the guy said,

'I think I'd miss you even if we'd never met. '

What exactly does that mean?

Thanks!!"

It means that if you live your life without having someone special to love, you will always have a kind of emptiness inside, because everybody wants someone to love. You know like young girls often fall in love with the movie and book characters? Well, it's because even if you don't have anyone to love in your life, it doesn't mean that you don't have enough love for that.