"OK, I see that I originally accidentally placed my request in the wrong blog. Now I am going to try again. I need some serious help. My wife just left to go on vacation with a couple of friends. Problem is, I'm left at home with my son. I have NO IDEA how to clean the house, how to look after my own son, what school he goes to, when school starts for him, or what to do with him.
Any help?
Alan"
28 M., Canada
If your wife knows you a little, it would be natural for her to leave you with some information concerning what to do with your own son. You do live with your family, right? You did drive your son at least once to his own school (if he went there before), I hope? You don't smoke anything funny that erases your memory of the important things and events that take place in your life? I mean, this situation leaves me completely dumbfounded.
You don't know how to clean your house? How about using your hands and maybe some cleaning tools and devices? You don't know how to look after your son? Try not leaving him alone, not giving him anything that could burn down the house and feeding him occasionally. You don't know what school your son goes to or when? Er... All kids go to school at the same time, right? Ask around.
Anyway, if he's old enough to go to school, he must know how to speak, too. Ask him. If he doesn't know or the school is new for him, try calling your wife and asking her about it. Also try to check in with some of the family members who took care of your son at least once before. They might know some stuff about keeping him alive and well.
If you think you are completely unreliable in the area of housekeeping and taking care of your child, go back to your or your wife's parents' house and ask them to take you in and do that thing again when they acted like real parents. Only this time, keep an eye on what they're doing for educational purposes.
"So people say I'm emo. Even though I'm not. But on the other hand I have nothing against them. I just don't like to lable myself. So yeah my hair is dark and I have a fringe, and like black eyeliner and wear green/blue/red/purple skinnys. What is so bad about that?
I mean everyone hates me, just because I'm not a hip hopper and don't drink & smoke. Everyone else does but so what? I just don't want to be like them. I just don't understand why people hate me just because I'm different. No matter how nice I am, they just hate me.
I have no friends at all. I guess I was just unlucky with this school.
But what should I do?
I wont change though."
It is hard growing up in the world where people think you should be just like them. But if you have individuality, a personality strong enough that you don't need to copy anyone so they would think better of you, it isn't a bad thing, if often not an easy one. People are calling you emo, but they probably hardly understand the subtle differences of subcultures, or they would know it's not just about the physical appearance.
If you don't want to change, you shouldn't. You don't owe that to anyone. What you could try is taking your focus off those who are causing you such distress and directing it to what you love about yourself and the type of people you'd like to attract into your life.
The more you focus on what ruins your mood, the more often it would get ruined. It's just the way your thoughts and feelings affect your life. Take some time everyday to enjoy yourself - who you are, what you love and believe in, and what kind of people you think you deserve to communicate with. If you were a hero of your own book or a movie, what kind of people surrounding you would make you feel complete and happy with your life?
Ponder on that and try to minimize your contact with people you don't like, and don't give up on finding real friends, in or outside your school.
"I am four months pregnant and I didn't tell my best friend that I was pregnant until I was three months. Now she is not really talking to me because I didn't tell her of the pregnancy right away. I think she wants me to apologize to her for not telling her. My question is, should I?"
How is it your friend's privilege to feel hurt about you not running to her right away to tell about your pregnancy? Was she a part of the impregnation process or something? If not, then I don't see how she has a right of passage to feel hurt or offended. You're the emotional one at the moment after all.
However close you are, three months is not that much of a time. It's not like you're eight months and she only just noticed.
"Well here's what I've been debating with myself for the past couple of weeks:
This girl and I briefly were seeing each other last summer. We hung out at least once a week at the end of May through the middle of August last summer. When mid august came around she decided that she was not ready for a relationship so we decided to remain friends. We still hung out, probably about once a month August through November, but still kept in touch on a weekly basis through e-mail. She even hung out with my friends and I in October.
The holidays rolled around, so we really couldn't hang out. We tried to get together a couple of times, but things didn't work out. One day at the end of February I sent her a text and asked if she wanted to hang out and catch up. I usually get a response back, so i figured it may have not gone through. So i sent her an e-mail asking if she had received it. She replied back a couple of days later and said that she did and was just really busy with work and other things.
However out of the blue in the e-mail she also said "I don't want to be anything more than friends" and ended the e-mail by saying that she was going to hang out downtown in a couple of weeks and that i could join her and her friends of i wanted to. This really confused me since we already had this conversation back in August, so i replied back and told her that I wasn't looking for anything more than friends and i am sorry if i came off that way.
She than responded back: "now that I am confident that we're friends, we should catch up, i didn't want to lead you on by texting you back or hanging out with you, we should catch up" I responded by telling her i didn't think that she was leading me on, and that the next time there's an issue that she should call me so we can talk it out. I haven't received a response since and this was at the end of February.
Now she did come off as a little vain, which surprised me. She's actually a really sweet girl. The debate I've been having is whether or not to shoot her an e-mail and invite her to grab food, so we can talk or should i just consider this a loss and move on? If i should e-mail, what should i say?
Thanks"
Perhaps you did come off a little pushy, or at least she got that impression. It’s apparent that she wants nothing more than friendship with you, and maybe she didn’t believe you entirely when you said you agree with being just friends. It really depends on your true feelings for her, because when you are attracted to a girl, you’re giving off a sort of a vibe. If a girl picks up on it and doesn’t respond in a positive way, she often tries to avoid you, using all sorts of excuses.
Now you didn’t really tell me how you feel about her, but it’s obvious that you want to spend more time with her for one reason or another. It also seems that you’re always the one who initiates most of the contact, so she must be on the avoidy side if she’s rarely the one who tries to start anything with you. Something must sit unwell in your relationship, because you are definitely not on the same page.
She tells you that you’re okay and can be friends, yet repeatedly avoids answering your letters. At the same time, you're trying to get in touch with her, even though it’s obvious that she wants to hang out with you only on occasion or just to “catch up”.
Perhaps some big misunderstanding is the reason for you guys not being able to sort your issues out. ‘Cause, trust me, if one of you is clueless as to why your relationship is the way it is (strange or confusing), misunderstanding must be involved, on one or both sides.
Maybe, when you offered her to call you and have a serious talk every time there’s an issue, it struck her as something too serious; maybe she doesn’t believe you when you tell her you want to be just friends; or maybe she’s got a boyfriend now, and he’s not happy with you two being chummy and going out somewhere. In any case, you are clueless as to why she cut the communication chord, and whether you want to go there and find out is up to you.
If you still care about her (which you obviously do), you might consider contacting her either by email (but there’s a risk of it going unanswered), or with a phone call. Either way, try to keep it light. You could tell her that you just realized that it’s been quite a while since you were in touch, and since she didn’t answer your last email, you were wondering if everything’s all right.
If you want to invite her to go out with you somewhere, you better pick a place with an atmosphere that you know she finds comfortable. If you have any common friends, you could ask if she’d like to join you all to go somewhere.
Or you could do a small test.
Ask her if she’d like to go with you somewhere to grab some food, or would rather hang out in a mixed company (just please, use other wording) with people you both know and like. If she says that she’d prefer to go out when there’s a small crowd around you two, I think it would be a strong indication that she is not entirely comfortable with you.
In any case, good luck.
- Lyssa
"So this boy (well, my bff) gave me a few lyrics to a song for valentines day. And they were totally simple, but they basically meant that he loved me, he'd love me forever (but like LOVE not like "love ya"!),and I felt awkward, so I totally ignored him because I didn't know how to respond. And since then we've talked normally, it was awkward at first, but my question is, is it too late to apologize for ignoring him and to tell him I feel the same way?"
Your best option is to tell him what you've just told me. If you really feel the same, make something similar to what he made for you and give it to him when the time is right, when you feel you can make the moment special.
Maybe you can even invite him somewhere where you won't be disturbed by anyone you know. Don't do it in school for sure. Give him what you made for him and tell him what you wanted to tell him on Valentine's day, and how you wanted to say it before, but couldn't bring yourself to do it.
And...
Another point of view I can see this situation from.
Although it brings up the question... Why didn't you tell him before?
Are you sure you want to do it now? Do you really feel the same way about him or do you simply want it to be that way? If you aren't sure, don't give him false hope.
"I run a hacker culture blog (bsdpunk.blogspot.net), and often I get requests from people on how to use a keylogger on their computer or to view their Instant Messaging traffic. Typically my first question after receiving these are "Why don't you try talking to her?", because they are usually heartbroken 16 year olds(if that), but then I help them out anyway? Is this a bad thing? Should I not help? I am one confused punk."
I'm not exactly a "pro" on hacker culture, but I viewed your blog, which is very nice by the way (so techno-goth), and I found there about four posts on keylogging. Helping is really not a bad thing, but you can't say that you're not helping people, whether you answer their additional requests or not.
If you want to help as much as you can, you could create a sort of a FAQ or Help forum for your blog (not necessarily keylogging related), where, if you answer a question for one person, you won't have to repeat it to another, albeit a grown-up or a 16 years old. Also, if you can manage to drag a few buddies on your forum and make them admins, you won't have to deal with all the noobs on your own.
If you feel uncomfortable with helping underage kids with hacking, you could try telling them to solve their problems some other way. But I think you and I both know that if they’re really got their minds set on something, they’ll just go somewhere else.
So it’s up to you whether you’d like to keep them as they are, on your blog, or let them roam freely through the web. Most hackers and programmers start early anyway. But if you feel that what people ask you to help them with could turn out bad, you could always decline their request or warn them against it.
That's my humble opinion.
"I'm starting to feel very self-conscious around people now. I'm starting to think that everyone is thinking I'm ugly, and I get really nervous around people now. Before I wasn't so self conscious and I don't know why I'm like this. Last year I just changed and I don't know how. Is this just a phase?"
Okay, I don't know if it's just a phase, identity crisis, or a part of your personal growth, but here is a couple of important things you need to remember if you feel that way.
First of all, you are NOT ugly! I don't care how you look, but don't ever think that way about yourself, or you will attract more of these thoughts and feelings, which can be quite destructive. The second important thing is that everyone is too concerned about themselves to notice others' flaws, and, as a self-conscious person, you probably know it very well. Right now it may seem to you that the looks are very important, but it is not completely true.
Take for example some not very attractive, but pretty famous actor, who has a lot of different roles s/he plays very well. He or she may have a role of a loser, someone really boring or mean, and you really hate seeing that actor on the screen.
But then you see that person playing a totally different role in a great TV show that you like, where he or she is very witty, funny, strong, and charismatic. Now, when you see that person, you notice that you associate totally different, positive feelings and emotions with him/her, because the character you fell in love with made you see the actor in a totally different light.
It's pretty much the same in the real life. If you feel not pretty, insecure and scared in communication with people, they're going to sense it, because your behavior, your walk, the expression on your face, and the look in your eyes just wouldn't let you hide your insecurity.
But (!!!) the good thing is that you can change the role that you play in front of others. In any way, you are not sharing with others everything you have in you. There are some parts you want to hide or show only to the ones you trust the most. But there are also the parts of your nature that you want to discover, explore and show to everyone.
Maybe it's your wisdom, or courage, or something else that makes you special in your own eyes, but, in any case, you should learn to be proud of who you are. Allow your looks support your personality, but don't let them become more important than who you really are. Learn to feel self-confident and strong ,whether you're alone or with someone. Choose what you want to be and be it.